For married couples whose children are not children of their marriage?

For those of us who have been married more than once and we have children and adult children on both sides who come to live with us and the new spouse. Do you truthfully see love like you would if they were your own children? Is it unconditional love or are these kids somewhat shortchanged in that department? Also, could be the reasons for so many divorces.For married couples whose children are not children of their marriage?
This is a difficult one isn't it? I inherited two boys, 6 and 7. Their father had died and I married mum. Since then we've had 2 girls together. Do I honestly love them the same as my own children?





Well, they have been shortchanged becasue their dad died. But the way you love your own offspring is something so special, perhaps it's not so much that the boys are short-changed, but that my girls would be short changed if I loved them the same way as I do the boys (now 11 and 12)





It is undeniably difficult, I didn't expect to be faced with my feelings as often as I am. The trouble is really not that the feelings aren't the same but that it has to be a secret, I can't ever let my boys know that I don't love them in the same way as I love my own Girls, it's like trying to keep up a charade which will be lifelong.





I also struggle with feeling resentful towards them, that they expect things from me when in my own way I can't help feeling that I'm doing them a favour and they should be grateful. There we are I said it, that's brutally frank. I do their ironing and buy their food, but I fell in love with and married their mum, not them.





But I do love them, it's just that the love I have is a constant decision I'm having to make over and again to act in love, as in behave lovingly towards them. Whereas with my girls I don't have to think about it.





So you're not alone. I love the boys and care about the future for them, but I don't think I'll ever forget that they're not mine.For married couples whose children are not children of their marriage?
i have 3 teenage children of my own


i also have a stepson, who came into my life as a teen


i could not love him more than if he were my own


he is 21 now, and i automatically think i have 4 children


but i do think the way we are is quite rare, which makes me appreciate it all the more





blended families are more and more popular, but i dont think thats the cause for the increase in divorce, i think people sadly see marriage as a throw away commodity these days


before, you would stick it out, now most people bail at the first hurdle
My wife has a five yr old daughter. My son is twenty and off at college. Ill be honest at first it was difficult. My wife and i had different perspectives on discipline and behavior. It first i resented her child over it. Until i realized it was her daughter and her way of raising her is her business. And that i was there to support her with it. She had jealousy issues at first her having to share her mother with me. So it was rocky. Fortunately as shes matured somewhat and ive learned to accept things better we have grown closer. Now to get to your question i feel you learn to love them as your own. That is if the acceptance is mutual. If they let you in. Are willing to let you get close. I can see where it can cause tension in a marriage believe me. It was hard for me to express that i cared for her when i was being rejected, getting the looks, the rolling of the eyes. But as time has gone she has come to accept me. Will she ever truly love me? I guess only time will tell. And with that i guess will depend on how far things go from my end. What role i actually play in her life. You can't push the issue you can only show them your there and do care about them. As far as my wife feelings for my son i feel if more time was spent together they would become closer. She has a good heart and does care. I know i probably added more into your question then you asked.
My oldest is not my husband's child. I see no difference in the way he loves him or how he treats him. We got together when he was two and he is not 18. The other two kids that are my husband think that they oldest is his favorite. I could love any ones child like my own. My kid's have some friends that I do.
My Wife married me with two children and she had one. We just do things as fair as possible. We even keep track about how much money we spend for the holidays, it has to be within 10 dollars.





Love wise, I know she loves her son more then my two and I love my two more then hers but the caring is there and the love is there. There is never any love like that of a mother for her natural children.
I divorced from my 2nd husband long after my kids moved out as adults. He raised them however and even though he has absolutely no contact with me he still sees them frequently. He and his new wife include them in all their family functions and none of my 3 children were his.
Adult children are not really ';children';. They are formed people with their own mature personalities.





This is now about learning how to get along with others.
YOU DO NOT IMPOSE THE MOM OR DAD TITLE THERE WOULD BE REJECTION RATHER BE A FRIEND


PROPER BACK UP FROM THE SPOUSE ON WHO'S HOUSE IT IS