Some are far too uptight. All these people need to go to youtube and look up kids %26amp; weddings and see that typically it's the kids that make the most memorable moments of a wedding. Perhaps that is the problem though. Some brides want everything thing to be soley about them and aren't even willing to share the spot light with a 3 year old.
These same brides should never have children because they will make terrible mothers.Why do couples exclude children from attending marriage ceremonies and functions?
Fortunately, children still are very much a part of the family, and are indeed invited to most weddings in most places. But, I too have noticed the trend that you describe. Usually, ';Adults Only'; weddings are associated with several other attitudes, including the attitude that the couple's current friends are ';more important'; than extended family such as grandmothers and second cousins, and a flaunted contempt for the expectations of elders such as parents and old family friends. And, they come with the idea that the bride and groom are the only people who matter -- and therefore get to dictate what other people wear, what kind of gifts other people give, and what kind of hospitality other people offer on that day.
Utter nonsense.
The fact of the matter is, that every single guest gets to have a small say in who will be present at the wedding: they can say ';yes'; or ';no';. Frankly, I look forward to family weddings for two reasons: first for the pleasure of seeing my own extended family, and second for the pleasure of making connections with a new extended family. And when children are unwelcome (and elders are only grudgingly welcome) I'm not likely to enjoy the wedding either. So, why not contact your great aunts, and see whether any of them feel like me? Maybe two or three of them would be willing to get together and hold a children-and-family party. If they choose the location carefully, the parents would still be able to drop in on the ceremony and reception, and non-parents could drop in on the family party to visit with other family members that have children.
The first time one of my many cousins did NOT invite children to a wedding it caused a small uproar. But for the first time the grown-ups had FUN!!! I have three kids, one of which is mentally disabled. A buffet line means I'll be balancing three plates (+my own) and asking each child, ';Corn or beans'; and all three respond at the same time and I don't hear any of them. It means I have to change diapers, take kids to the bathroom and constantly be on the lookout to see if they are safe and behaving themselves. It means someone is always upset over something. Ever since that first wedding where no children were included, family weddings have been a BLAST!!!
When I was married last fall, I did invite the children. I had no plans to exclude my own children so I did not exclude anyone Else's either.
I had a room set aside with games and a DVD player, cots and blankets and a ';Day Nanny';. I also provided child friendly snacks and fruit juice. Anyone who wanted to take a nap or escape the grown ups could. If Brides plan to include children, I would HIGHLY suggest this.
It is because children can be disruptive and the event isn't about family, it's about the two getting married. If it was about family then you and everyone else would have a say on every aspect of the function, and there wouldn't be any special attention given to the bride and groom. But like a birthday party there is a person or people in which the event is for, and all others are simply guests. And being guests they are invited to attend but the event isn't being done for their sakes.
When I married my first husband we had no children and were also on a tight budget. We made the decision not to have children under 10 because we wanted a civilised reception with just adults and we also didnt want children disrupting the church service.
I have been to so many weddings where children were left to run around the church and spoil it for everyone else, I didn't want that happening at my wedding.
When I married my current husband we allowed children as we both have them, It was a short service in an hotel and they were reasonably well behaved. The reception was geared around the children specifically.
It is the couples choice, depending on their circumstances, thay can decide what they want on THEIR special day.
Yes children are important to a family HOWEVER, they DO cause disruption (and no a family is not about disruption, especially with important events such as weddings). YOUR sister (and her fiance) are getting married, not you, respect her wishes. Although it may not be YOUR children who are disruptive, she may have felt she couldn't say ';well your children can come but so and so's can't'; etc. So she did a fair thing and excluded all children. I disagree that you can't get a sitter because one child is special needs, it may be a bit harder, but can be done. You would not believe how some people allow their children to act at weddings and other events (like funerals). SOME people allow there children to run amock and it's disgraceful, so she is hoping to avoid this.
I got married recently and chose to exclude children for three reasons (rightly or wrongly!) The first was because the size of the venue only limited us to 70 guests so we had to draw a line somewhere. The second was cost - wedding food is not cheap (between 拢30 and 拢90 a head usually) and most venues do not offer a cheaper option for children even though they are unlikely to eat most of it. The third reason was the disruption - crying babies or toddlers running in the aisle whilst we're saying out vows (cute as they may look) was not a distraction I wanted! However, I know from experience that if you really are struggling to get a sitter, that you should talk to your sister as I'm sure she would make an exception to her no children rule if it meant you not having to miss the wedding. If its a case of finances, you could always offer to pay for your chilren's meals.
The real reason is because parents don't keep their children in line or reprimand them when they misbehave, too many parents think their children are absolute angels and that's because they aren't watching when they are being holy terrors!
My fiance's nephew almost took down a chandelier at my engagement party. His parents were outside chatting with people when that happened, not even watching him!
SEVERAL kids were trying to stick their fingers in my cake at the engagement party - - first of all, where were the parents???? oh they were off chatting with other adults. That behavior is just disgusting to stick your fingers in a cake and then serve it to guests - GROSS!
And if any children are very young, parents really can't control when they cry. And if I were paying $2 grand or more for a videotape of my wedding ceremony, I'd probably lose it if someone's child started fussing during the ceremony.
I can totally understand why people would say ';no kids'; at a wedding. They want peace %26amp; quiet. They want to allow the adults to party and socialize without the kids running amok and not being watched.
It is unfortunate that some children are well behaved and have to suffer because of the rude/obnoxious/unsupervised ones. BUT couples have to enforce the rules equitably and often end up with ';no kids'; situations.
I will say that I am including children at my wedding BUT I didn't select my first choice of venue (a museum) because they would be there and I was afraid of things being damaged by them. I am setting aside things ';to do'; at a table on the side of the room. And since I am planning it, I am assigning the children to sit at the same tables as their parents and I will be praying that the few monsters in the crowd won't get too unruly.
Since I am in the wedding industry I can give you ';a million and one reasons'; why Brides and Grooms do not want children at their wedding, here's just a few . .
Children lock themselves in the bathrooms.
Children are forced to be ';cute'; flower girls and ring bearers, and they are scared and uncomfortable and unhappy. On more than one occasion I have heard these children say, ';No, I don't want to do this.';
And I have also seen many children get ';sick to their stomachs'; because they are so upset.
Children see a wedding cake, and they thinks it's OK to go up and help themselves.
Children do not eat ';surf and turf.'; They want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Children do not appreciate that you have spent $75 per person on their dinner.
Children have a short attention span which makes it difficult to sit quietly during the ceremony.
Children want to touch the punch coming out of the fountain.
Children want to take home everyones' favors.
Children want to open the wedding gifts, and many of them do.
Children do not understand that you paid $100 for the outfit they are wearing, and that is why you are hollering at them.
Children do not understand what a wedding is, and they probably will not remember attending any until they are of school age.
The candles lit on the Unity Candle table are not swords or play toys.
The decorations were put there for a reason, we'll let you know when it's OK to tear them down.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate THE COUPLE and it is up to them whether or not they choose to invite children to the wedding.
Contrary to what many have said, couples who do not invite kids to weddings isn't simply because they have a sheer dislike for kids. That is overly presumptuous of people to make and is quite offensive to many...that's like a couple who has a kid-less wedding to say that people who invite all the kids to their wedding are trash and have no class.
There are TONS of reasons why couples don't invite kids...
* Parents do not discipline their children so they run amok during weddings and parents think it's cute to have their little boy/girl stick their finger in the cake or something.
* Children have a tendency to take over a party. The focus of a wedding is the couple NOT the children invited.
* They have a short attention span so cannot sit
* Children oftentimes don't care about the wedding and cannot act accordingly
* A wedding is an opportunity for parents to have an adult night out without the kids
* With alcohol being served, the chances of a child getting their hands on some accidentally are higher
* They don't understand that a lot of money has been put into planning the event so the crying, screaming, pulling of decorations will go on
As a guest, you have to understand that this is the couple's choice. If you don't like it, then that's fine but that doesn't give you license to go out of your way and confront them on it or try to stage a boycott.
I think many people need to grow up in that respect and get it in their head that they are just the guest...they are not the couple...they are not planning the event.
It just depends on the couple. I personally don't even think that most kids enjoy weddings. They have to sit for 30+ minutes at the ceremony, then sit during speeches and dinner. Then after the dinner they obviously get bored and start running around (usually on the dance floor because it's a wide open space) and getting into things (presents, cake) or they are exhausted and want to go home. It doesn't make a lot of sense for a couple to have to pay $50 per plate for children that won't even really appreciate the meal or work that went into the event. Kids can really add up.. if you have a guest list of 150 and let everyone bring kids.. that can be a lot of kids. And I've been annoyed at more than one wedding when I've wanted to dance, but the dance floor is full of kids running and rolling around.
I think that most couples would make exceptions for people that have circumstances that don't allow them to get a sitter. Just talk to her. Don't take it personally against you or your children. She probably just doesn't want to worry about children being entertained on her wedding day.
If you spend the big bucks on your wedding that people are spending nowadays, you shouldn't have to deal with disruptive children. ALL weddings that I have been to that have had children have been interrupted by talking/crying kids/babies and the parents don't seem to understand that the polite thing to do is take them out.
Secondly, if there is alcohol at the wedding children do not need to be present. Would you take your kids with you to a bar? I'm guessing not.
Sorry, but if a person can't be away from their children for a few hours, there's more of a problem there than just ';kids not invited to a wedding';.
Wow - I guess 5 of you would take your kids to a bar.
Well from what I can read on here I guess it is disruption and money and stuff, well I think it is just pure selfishness and rude to not allow children, I think you should talk to your sister about this. Also though, people on here are saying it is because people want their special day to be perfect, well at my wedding it won't matter to me if we have 50 babies screaming, my special day is to be there with my special man that I want to spend my life with and that is the special part of my wedding, he makes it special for me no matter what, also I could look at the kids and on that day dream about what it will be like to have children when we finally do, and even people who have children before they get married, yes it is a family thing and if someone told me I couldn't take my kids to an event well the I wouldn't be going!!
That is frustrating, and I totally understand what you are saying. I think some couples exclude children mainly because they are just too young for the ';formal-ness'; of a wedding, plus it saves on having to pay to feed a whole family. Typically though, they will allow close family to bring their kids. Seems strange, but I would talk to her about it, and explain that you can't get a sitter because of the special needs child, and see what she says. I am sure she will be fine with the kids coming if she truly wants you to be there.
1- noise. if the bride and groom are paying for a videographer who gets no usable audio because of kids making noise, that's a huge a waste of money. it's nothing against the kids, they aren't mature enough to know their behavior is bad!
2- cost of food. it can cost $100 a plate or more for a very posh wedding, to feed the guests. if you went to a restaurant with your 10 year old would you order them a $50 steak? no you wouldn't.
3- formality. weddings are formala adult events usually held at night around children's bedtimes. so if kids are present, the parents need to leave early to put them to bed, and don't get to enjoy themselves fully. and the kids start acting up when they get tired.
it's a shame you can't get a sitter, because now either your or you spouse has to be at home at all times to care for the kids, but having kids is a lifestyle choice. partying and being free to attend weddings is another lifestyle choice.
i'm getting married in december, and not having children there. for me it's all down to numbers (i can only have 50 for the meal and ceremony and 80 for the evening) and because of money. if someone was to come for the whole day, it costs 拢60+ per head or 拢15+ per head just for the evening, this may not sound like a lot, but multiply it by the amount of guests!!! i'm not well off, nor is my fiance. in the ideal world we'd have everyone's kids, but we just couldnt afford it.
I don't want children at my wedding because they can cause a scene. Some of my friends know how to control their children, some do not. Instead of saying, ';ok, you can bring your kids but you can't'; I just say no to them all.
Maybe you can get with your sister to help find someone qualified to watch a special needs child. They are out there and it's only one day.
I guess some people just don't want a gaggle of kids running around at their wedding, getting under tables, slide across the dance floor in the shiny dress mum bought, knocking things over, crying, taking the attention away from their special day. Kids can cause disruption at weddings - I've seen it lots of times.
Does your sis have any kids?
Personally, I wouldn't attend a family members wedding or other family event that excluded kids. My kids have gone to weddings, funerals and other similar events; they behave. If they didn't you'd have sense enough to discretely remove them from the situation. We chose are seats wisely for a ';quick escape'; with minimal to know disruptions, but it's never needed.
Well I can speak from experience here.. at my wedding children screamed and cried all the way through the ceremony (and the parents were too selfish to remove them).. they spoiled our day to on an extent and a video recording(which wasnt free you understand).
So you have my sympathy but I understand the reasoning as the first answer said its NOT your day it the couples if they dont want children there I can understand.. sorry
Added - maybe you could talk to your sis and negotiate... promise you will take them out of the wedding at the very first murmur of tantrum?
two reasons
1. they are disruptive
2. most catering places charge the same amount for children as they do adults.
the only people that have a right to say about what their wedding will be like, is the bride and groom. EVERYONE else is a guest and needs to respect the couples wishes.
How do you not know? Kids/babies can be very noisy. Maybe they want to be able to hear the officiant and have everyone else do the same. Many parents don't want to miss the ceremony, so they won't walk out with the kids when they're being loud and then it's ruined for everyone.
Perhaps its because so many children are badly behaved these days and so many parents choose not to correct their children.I chose not to have children and I prefer to attend events that do not include children - can't bear having to suffer others brats.
I think its probably because people dont want their wedding disrupted by children that cant behave themselves and be quiet during a ceremony.
My mum had 4 kids when she was invited to her brothers wedding, the kids werent allowed so she never went.
I've never been to a wedding where children were specifically NOT invited. I think this is something that's rather new in my part of the country (I'm babysitting for my grandchildren in a couple of weeks because they were NOT invited to a wedding with their parents). I can understand it to some extent because I've seen many weddings interrupted by crying babies and toddlers that just couldn't sit still and be quiet, but it does seem kinda sad to exclude the younger members of a family just because the bride and groom expect everything to be perfect on THEIR day. I guess if I were to spend as much money as some of these people spend on a wedding these days, I might want everything to go off as planned, too, but it still seems a little snooty to me.......
i think that is awful, i have been to loads of weddings where children have always been invited, to be quite frank if we were invited to a wedding that didn't allow children i wouldn't go regardless of being a friend or family. you need to express your concerns with your sister, do you think it could be because of costs?
I have a child, why should i leave him at home while me and my husband spend the whole day having fun without him. When me and my husband got married we invited children and they were no problem at all.
yes some people do exclude children but its usually families without small children ur right its about famiily and if family members have children they should be included my daughter got married and her sister has a baby he came along, her partner just took him out if he started making a noise . p ersonally knowing that it would be difficult for u to get a babysitter i think its a bit off, yr sister should maybe have included close family children if it was me i would say i cant go sister or not.
I dont really know any other reason-other than the one you mentioned. It annoys me- I have 2 children myself-one with special needs and I have missed so many where they dont allow children. For me I think children make the wedding so I cant see any reason why they aren't included.
Selfishness I guess and children should be seen and not heard is another old fashioned way of looking at it
That is rotten of your sister! What I did was allow kids at the ceremony and at the reception I offered childcare. I hired some kids that I know and paid them to sit in a room with the kids and some movies and games and stuff. Your sister is not being thoughtful and you need to tell her how you feel.
I don't understand it. Some have the very mistaken impression that weddings are 'adult' events, but they are very wrong.
Weddings are for families, to celebrate all together.
I think that's so sad your sister is doing this - you must be so disappointed in her.
b*tchy brides wanting their ';perfect'; wedding are very sad to discover there is never a ';perfect'; wedding.
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